Thank you for still being with me after all this time. I can’t tell you how wonderful it has been to read your msgs. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to post as much as I’d like. I promise to try my hardest to make it up to you.
So, for starters, here’s the update on me. My former Dom and I are no longer. Unfortunately I chose to serve someone else that was closer to home and I am sorry to say that it is a decision I deeply regret. I know the risks that come with this life. I have heard so many horror stories and heartfelt warnings about how dangerous it can truly be and the key role in trusting your partner. I thought I had found someone I could trust. I thought and felt through and through that I had made the right choice for my journey, I was very wrong. He never trusted me and used his insecurities as a way to justify the abuse.
I realize that being one who tends to be turned on by pain and sexual abuse this, at first, may seem like a good thing. Well I can tell you now from experience that abuse during play and abuse because someone is damaged and needs help are two very different things. The line between the two may be a thin one but the line is there.
I have never been one to submit outside of play. I’ve never been attracted to the total loss of power in all aspects of my life and that fact has been reconfirmed thanks to my recent experience. I was attracted to this life because there are dark desires within me no matter how I try to fight it. I am not some uneducated, weak-minded, lost little girl with daddy issues that thinks it’s ok to be treated like I am worth less then the paper I use to wipe my ass. It’s one thing to go that far during play but it’s a whole other for that to be the regular treatment. I may lose some of you for this and I’m sorry that we don’t agree but I have been in a couple abusive relationships and I just cant get behind anything won’t separate the two extremes.
I will be continuing my journey in this world though I suspect that it will take some tine for me to be as truly comfortable as I once was. I know I will be much more hesitant when it comes to finding a new Dom to serve. Well unless my first one happens to be available anyway. I can’t say how much I miss him and wish I never left his care. Though I doubt he would be pleased with the damage inflicted by my poor judgement of character. I know it has set me back and once I find someone that I am comfortable with it will take some work on my part to get back to where I was. But eventually I will get there.
Thank you again for your support. It really does mean a lot though I don’t really know any of you. I’ll keep you up to date on my progress in both healing and discovery. I look forward to getting to post again.
Xxoo
